I sit here and write this with deep sorrow in my heart, but a mission in my soul nonetheless. I would rather be sleeping, curled in a ball and surrendering to nothingness. But somehow the loss of my son has instead propelled me to do something I've not been able to do in a long time...
And that is to truly live. I lived like I was dying, or like there was a tomorrow before I lost my little Robbie. While my new dedication is likely mixed with some generalized anxiety disorder symptoms and maybe a little hypomania, it's also likely that his life was the catalyst to truly living mine. Or something along those lines. Whatever the reason I'm here for it. If it's only to survive to the next second. I'm here.
As always my heart is always on how I can give back, and Mudita Yoga Inc was in the works well before Little Robbie, just waiting for some clarity. Now I have it.
Life is hard, and if you're a woman, it's that much harder. Not to mention if you have other marginalized identities. I also however believe there is a captivating power in women, and that when women work together for a cause we literally move mountains.
I experienced that for the first time when I had to make a heartbreaking choice regarding my son. It was a strong network of women, and a beautiful team of women at the clinic who helped me see everything through, from travel plans, to clinic funds, etc.
The support I received of course was pretty bittersweet. Every day I want my son here, healthy and whole more than anything else. I keep going for him.
And also I am right smack dab in the midst of what I want Mudita Yoga Inc to be for:
who desire the support of other women
in times of crisis
and in the daily joys and terrors of life
a true community of like-minded women to help get through the tough times and the great times.
That's certainly what I need.
The vision is that a woman like me could find this space, and immediately be embraced by other women and know I am not alone. Women that would have other resources to help me through the nightmare, women that would offer anything from free yoga classes to just a shoulder to cry on. The community itself would host regular virtual meetings including monthly check-ins, free yoga sessions, individual yoga classed, psycho-educational groups, experiential groups, and retreats. Eventually the vision is to have a brick and mortar location that offers holistic wellness services by donation.
The women who join this space are passionate about wellness, self-care, self-love, and social justice or at least want to learn how to make those a priority. They feel passionate about mental health care being financially accessible and inclusive to all women. They both participate in and offer services in a cooperative manner to build a healthy commUNITY. Donations collected go to supporting the community and supporting the Ava Fund.
The vision is that the Ava fund serves as a scholarship for women seeking quality mental health care but face financial roadblocks. The dream is that people can apply and be awarded the fees they are struggling to pay in order to get the mental health care they need. The dream is that the fund is so well maintained that we can help several women a year.
I believe in this space and the good things it will one day represent.
I welcome the changing nature of this organization to better meet the needs of the commUNITY.